“It’s 11.15 are you ready yet?” Jessica shouted down the hallway trying to make me hurry even faster. But when anyone tries to rush me I find that I’ll go even slower just to piss them off. I’m not sure why I even do that.
“Yes I’m just about done.” I replied rather snappishly. That was about the zillionth time she had called me though. Anyone would think that it was her getting married today. “And these heels are a fucking nightmare Jessica. I hate wearing new shoes for the first time!” Now where did I put those god damn plasters?
“Ok Sarah the cabs here and I’ve got your ID in my bag so let’s go.” It was surprising how she acted more like my mother today as we were normally like two peas in a pod. We had similar personalities and with almost identical looks we could be passed off as sisters, the only difference being that she has curlier hair than I do and maybe fuller lips and her eyes have a greyish tone to them. But as far as good looks go I think we are equal but in different ways. She has bigger boobs than me but I have a smaller waist and because my complexion is slightly peachier than hers I can get away with wearing bolder colours and heavier make up.
“Fine I’m coming now let me just grab this.” I picked up a cold piece of toast that had strawberry jam on it. It had been sitting on a plate on the kitchen counter top for over an hour but I still stuffed it into my mouth whilst we ran down the steps to exit the building.
“Where can I take you to my lovelies?” The cab driver asked in a jolly manner.
“Hi we’re going to the registry office on Bow Road and could you get us there as fast as you can please as we’re a little on the late side.” Jessica asked sweetly and put on her poshest expression in hopes that he would step on it a little faster if he thought he had a rich piece of hot totty sitting in the back of his cab.
“Why certainly maam, I’ll have ya there in a jiffy.” He replied with a singing tone to his voice.
“Watch out you almost hit that cyclist.” Jessica scorned him and with her face pressed up against the window she mouthed the word sorry to the cyclist as we drove past him.
“That’s ok ladies. I’ve had plenty of practice dodging those slight beggars.” He chuckled.
“Oh for God sake I just spilt jam on my dress. Jessica I look like shit now what am I going to do? That’s it I can’t go ahead with this anymore. This is a sign for me not to go through with it. I’ve realised it’s a stupid idea and I want to go home before I make a big fool out of myself.” My nerves had set in and I began to wonder what kind of an idiot I was for agreeing to go through with this scam in the first place. Yes the five thousand pounds I’d received certainly helped sway me and perhaps if I gave it back I could still get out of this, but there had been no logic or sound reasoning for my decision in this outrageous matter.
“Look you don’t have to get hysterical.” She quipped. “First of all you’re not marrying this guy to live with him. All you have to do is say I do and then you can both fuck off on your separate ways. Here I have a femme fresh wipe you can use to clean that splodge. Now do you still want to do this or would you rather go home because I’m here for you hun? And maybe I can tell Robbie that you just couldn’t go through with it. After all it’s not like we know him and have anything to feel guilty about.” She pulled out her lippy and perfectly plastered another layer over her plump lips without using a mirror. I’d always admired her for having that talent.
“No! No I’ll do it. I’ve already said I would and I don’t want to disappoint anyone.” This was one of those things that I totally regretted agreeing to but I knew that I had an obligation to go ahead with. Something other than the money was driving me tho, like a force of nature. I knew deep down that I would have done this regardless whether a payment had been made or not. I had knots in my stomach but I felt as though they were caused from excitement rather than nerves.
“Ere we are then ladies. I got you here safe and sound, Bromley public hall. That’ll be eleven quid even.” He pulled up alongside the pavement and smiled politely as he held his hand out waiting for either one of us to pay up. Maybe he should have knocked a fiver off for turning up so bloody late and almost causing an accident and for ruining my dress.
“There you go keep the change. Now Sarah are you sure you still want to go through with this?” She was giving me my last chance to escape doing the dreaded deed and I toyed with the idea just for a second but nothing was coming forward and telling me not to go through with it. I waited for a sign, any sign, apart from the cab being late, the cyclist, and the jam, any other sign would do in order to persuade me not to go ahead with this marriage.
“Yep ready as I’ll ever be!” Neither one of us had thought this through properly and had paid little attention to any consequences that may occur from it.
“Ok then let’s do it. Look there’s a crowd of people waiting and there’s Debbie waving like a frantic idiot. Hi Debbie this is Sarah, Sarah this is Debbie. So where is Robbie?” Jessica asked her right before she gripped my arm as Debbie forced us to run up the steps. “Just get inside they’ve called for you twice.” She replied and herded us inside the hall like cattle on a ranch. “Quickly come on now let’s hurry people are waiting”
As we were ushered into a small room on the left I looked around for the person I was about to be wed to. I wondered why he hadn’t had the balls to even approach me and at least say thanks for saving his grateful Canadian ass.
Jessica sat in the front row next to Debbie and I stood in front of a long table with a black marble top and gold painted legs. Two women were standing on the other side of it. One was wearing the most awful beige suit and the other in a sage green jacket and black trousers and obviously thinking she looked fantastic in that God awful red lipstick that she’d probably had since 1970. And that dry orange hair, it looked like she had gone for a rewiring job on her last visit to the salon.
Behind Jessica four seats were filled with women that I couldn’t identify. They were older and I assumed that they must be some of Robbie’s relatives. Standing next to me was a slim but fit built woman with short dark hair, blue eyes and pretty cute looking. She was wearing a white trouser suit with a carnation pinned to the lapel. “Who are you and where is Robbie?” I whispered to her. And why was she standing at my side?
But before she could answer me the registrar introduced herself and her colleague and announced that we were all in the presence of Sarah Niles and Robin Page on this joyful occasion.
I must have missed something. Robbie wasn’t here yet. I turned around to look at Jessica for confirmation on what was happening but all I could see was her mouthing, “Sarah I’m sorry! I had no fucking idea.”